Life is often a mystery. It is nearly impossible to know what the future holds. People may live life in a careless way but it is often that an unexpected situation may turn your life around. It probably isn’t clear why things often occur, but life is about not knowing what is going to happen next.
Jeremiah Johnson is a handsome six foot tall black man. With incredible broad shoulders, structured face, smooth golden-brown skin, and squinty brown eyes that will make any woman melt in desire. His voice projects in a very deep but yet gentle tone. His appearance would lead people to believe that he is a man with no possible flaws and lives the perfect life.
June 9, 2005, Jeremiah Johnson sat on a chair next to his graduating class in Harvard Medical School. While waiting to walk into his future he couldn’t help but to look around and be awakened by his significant accomplishment. He also could not help but to notice, that the one person that influenced him immensely, was missing. Looking into the proud crowd, Jeremiah closed his eyes and reflected to his memories, which brought him back to his mother.
Merced, a single parent, raising a child without the help of a male figure, made sure Jeremiah had everything he needed. She always enforced education to be the main focus for Jeremiah. She worked two to three jobs a week to maintain a stable household and put him through private school. Unfortunately, he never realized the trouble his mom went through to give him the best life she possibly could. Growing up, he always questioned his mom as to why he didn’t have a dad. Merced never knew how to respond to her child’s question, which inevitably led Jeremiah to believe that his father left because of him. He thought he was at fault to his father’s leaving, the reassurance from his mother meant nothing. As a young child he didn’t have a masculine figure to look up to. Although his mom loved him unconditionally, he couldn’t help but to think about all the things he was missing out on without a dad. All he ever wanted was to have someone to go to the park with, play catch, and talk about guy issues. He was never able to relate to his classmates on Father’s Day when they described their dad as their hero.
Merced, a single parent, raising a child without the help of a male figure, made sure Jeremiah had everything he needed. She always enforced education to be the main focus for Jeremiah. She worked two to three jobs a week to maintain a stable household and put him through private school. Unfortunately, he never realized the trouble his mom went through to give him the best life she possibly could. Growing up, he always questioned his mom as to why he didn’t have a dad. Merced never knew how to respond to her child’s question, which inevitably led Jeremiah to believe that his father left because of him. He thought he was at fault to his father’s leaving, the reassurance from his mother meant nothing. As a young child he didn’t have a masculine figure to look up to. Although his mom loved him unconditionally, he couldn’t help but to think about all the things he was missing out on without a dad. All he ever wanted was to have someone to go to the park with, play catch, and talk about guy issues. He was never able to relate to his classmates on Father’s Day when they described their dad as their hero.
As Jeremiah became a teenager, his group of friends at school became a major influence on him. Slowly, he started developing a rebellious attitude. He quickly started disputing with his mother constantly. The stormy age years became difficult for Merced to handle. Leaving Merced distraught, she couldn’t give up on her only child. He was exposed to drugs, parties, and girls. As Jeremiah reflects on his past, he wishes he would have never fallen into peer pressure.
With his curiosity raging, he finally accepts to try marijuana. Everyone was smoking it, so he thought it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try. Thing is, he enjoyed every last hit of it. It started becoming a daily habit. He loved feeling more in-depth. The whole world around him seemed to slow down, but even after a while weed became boring. Looking for more of a rush was the next step. After experimenting endlessly, he found the party scene. Eventually, he started to party and get drunk. Alcohol led him to the worst situation in his life. It was 4th of July weekend and he was invited to go with a group of friends to a local neighborhood party. He had asked his mom if he could go out but she refused to let him go. She was worried he was going to get into some sort of trouble after finding out of his marijuana and alcohol usage. He became really upset and another dispute arose. Furious he blurted out, “You should’ve been the one out of my life, not dad!” Not regretting any word he said he went storming into his room. He hated feeling misjudged and overly controlled. Merced didn’t know how to respond to his statement. She began to blame herself for his outrages actions. Tears ran down her face as these thoughts crossed her mind. Meanwhile, Jeremiah was infuriated and did not care of his mother’s disapproval. Regardless of her opinion he decided to sneak out of the house and go to the party.
Without any idea that Jeremiah left the house Merced continued to cry. His behavior was uncontrollable. She felt guilty because she started to believe that she was a bad parent. With blame by her side, she felt the need to speak to Jeremiah and tell him she was sorry for not being able to raise him the correct way. She knocks on his bedroom door, but no answer. She slowly opened the door; he was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t believe he went to that extreme. All she ever wanted was to nurture him and make sure he had everything he needed. At that point, she felt useless. She didn’t know whether she should just accept his rebelliousness or become extra strict and punish him for leaving the house. She knew that if she would confront him about his act, all it would do is push him away even further. And that was the last thing she wanted. As the hours went by Jeremiah had still not arrived. She became in an emotional distress. All she could think about was that he could have been hurt, that something had happened to him. She continued to wait for him; she didn’t want to go to bed until he arrived. Quickly, she became impatient and decided to go look for him. She started driving around, hoping that she would spot him. As she stopped on an intersection, she waited for the traffic light to turn green. Without any notice, a drunk driver staggered behind her and she was thrown forward violently. Her seat belt pressed into her chest and knocked the wind out of her. An immense destruction noise echoed in her ears, the airbag exploded in her face, and the steering wheel crushed into her abdominal. In a matter of seconds she lost consciousness. The ambulance rushed to the scene and helped her out of the car. While on the way to the hospital, Merced quickly got into a horrible condition. Her body started slowing down all of her functions. Her breathing stayed irregular and eventually she stopped breathing.
Without any idea that Jeremiah left the house Merced continued to cry. His behavior was uncontrollable. She felt guilty because she started to believe that she was a bad parent. With blame by her side, she felt the need to speak to Jeremiah and tell him she was sorry for not being able to raise him the correct way. She knocks on his bedroom door, but no answer. She slowly opened the door; he was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t believe he went to that extreme. All she ever wanted was to nurture him and make sure he had everything he needed. At that point, she felt useless. She didn’t know whether she should just accept his rebelliousness or become extra strict and punish him for leaving the house. She knew that if she would confront him about his act, all it would do is push him away even further. And that was the last thing she wanted. As the hours went by Jeremiah had still not arrived. She became in an emotional distress. All she could think about was that he could have been hurt, that something had happened to him. She continued to wait for him; she didn’t want to go to bed until he arrived. Quickly, she became impatient and decided to go look for him. She started driving around, hoping that she would spot him. As she stopped on an intersection, she waited for the traffic light to turn green. Without any notice, a drunk driver staggered behind her and she was thrown forward violently. Her seat belt pressed into her chest and knocked the wind out of her. An immense destruction noise echoed in her ears, the airbag exploded in her face, and the steering wheel crushed into her abdominal. In a matter of seconds she lost consciousness. The ambulance rushed to the scene and helped her out of the car. While on the way to the hospital, Merced quickly got into a horrible condition. Her body started slowing down all of her functions. Her breathing stayed irregular and eventually she stopped breathing.
When Jeremiah found out his mom got into a fatal car accident he felt terribly vulnerable. While he was out having a great time with his friends, his mom was living her last moments in pain and suffering. He could just imagine what her last thoughts were before dying. She died in the worst possible circumstance. After being told that the culprit for the accident was a drunk driver, Jeremiah noticed the irony much too soon that it hit him like a ton of bricks. He had a gut-wrenching feeling, felt as if his heart dropped, and guilt took over his body. He couldn’t help but to regretfully remember the last words he ever told her. His mom’s death opened his eyes. He knew he had to change his life around.
Unwillingly realizing he could have easily been the one to cause the accident, knowing that he could have killed someone’s mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, daughter, or any individual, was too much to bare. This brought him to a complete epiphany.
As he slowly opens his eyes on his graduation day, he wishes he had given her credit for helping him shape the man he is now today. He realizes it wasn’t that he was being misjudged or controlled by his mom; he just lacked life involvements to recognize his bad choices. Currently, he understands that his mom wanted to protect him. Occasionally the complications of a single parent go unrecognized and without gratefulness. He looks back in admiration and recognizes all the things his mom went through. She would never buy things for herself before she took care of him. She taught him how to tie his shoe, ride a bike, reminded him to brush his teeth, helped him complete his homework, and she would read him countless bedtime stories as a child. It was her simple actions that will always be remembered. Her role as a mother and father was challenging and he could only wish she was still alive to say sorry and to thank her for all of her unconditional love. A father in his life wasn’t necessary. He will always cherish her for being his first love, friend, even his first enemy. But neither time nor space will ever separate him from his mother not even death. Although she isn’t physically sitting down with the rest of the students’ families and friends, he knows she is there in spirit, and will continue to be there to help him stay the man he was intended to be.
As he slowly opens his eyes on his graduation day, he wishes he had given her credit for helping him shape the man he is now today. He realizes it wasn’t that he was being misjudged or controlled by his mom; he just lacked life involvements to recognize his bad choices. Currently, he understands that his mom wanted to protect him. Occasionally the complications of a single parent go unrecognized and without gratefulness. He looks back in admiration and recognizes all the things his mom went through. She would never buy things for herself before she took care of him. She taught him how to tie his shoe, ride a bike, reminded him to brush his teeth, helped him complete his homework, and she would read him countless bedtime stories as a child. It was her simple actions that will always be remembered. Her role as a mother and father was challenging and he could only wish she was still alive to say sorry and to thank her for all of her unconditional love. A father in his life wasn’t necessary. He will always cherish her for being his first love, friend, even his first enemy. But neither time nor space will ever separate him from his mother not even death. Although she isn’t physically sitting down with the rest of the students’ families and friends, he knows she is there in spirit, and will continue to be there to help him stay the man he was intended to be.
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ReplyDeleteYour essay was wonderful to read. It seemed pretty orginal to the fact where the main charater, Jeremiah, lost his mom to his problem, but it made perfect sence because I can clearly see an image of everything. I can see the mother, Mercedes, was out in the streets looking for Jeremiah at such a dangerous time. I liked how it was kind of like my story where I also out the beginning paragraph and the ending paragraph the present time and the narrarator went on telling the story of why Jeremiah was there daydreaming about what happened before connected to what is happening now.
DeleteThere was just a few minor mistakes, but it seems like the last time I corrected your hard copy and the one you posted up now is not the same, so you fixed those problems. I like how well structured your essay. It has a well organized structure. There was evidence of why one thing happened and why other things happened.
Your cliffhanger well done. Although it was really sad. I am not saying all good stories have to lead to a happy ending, but I think your story made sense all around and it was unpredictable which gets the readers going and happy. The voice of the story never really changed out of nowhere which is good. Like my music teacher once said, in order to bake a cake, one does not bake the eggs then the flour then the sugar. The baker mixes all the ingredients together and then bake it. That what I see in your story, which is good.
I think what you can add if you really liked to, but really is not too nessecarry is where Jeremiah was at during the incident or tell more of Mercede's side or what she does. You can add tha tto the story, but it's so minor that you realy do not need to add that.
I enjoyed you story a lot especially the part when you take the story from the present to a flashback and back to the present. You did a really good job with the plot, the structure, and the organization. There were few errors that could help you make your essay better like there were few run-on sentences which distracts the reader from the story. Also there was paragraph where you used a lot of 'she's' if you read it over you will be able to solve them. Other than that you did a good job.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story for many reasons. The first is that you gave a clear mental image of who everyone is and what their purpose in the story was. I love your imagery the way you described every place and time. Its hard to make sence when you go back in time and then do the preset as well as future but you made it work and I was in tune with every part of the flashbacks. what needed to be worked on was when a character is speaking name who is talking becuase when you use "he" or "she a lot you lose the sence of whats really going on due to trying to figure out whos talking. my favorite part was your ending it was happy and well put it wasnt left off with a bad ending. in general you are very creative and know how to write a well written story.
ReplyDeleteYour story was good, but you need to work on your transitions. You went from the present to the past. That made the structure of your paper confusing. It also made your tone change a little bit. Work on your quotes. Try not to use slang.
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